


I Came Here to See the Stars but All I Can See is You

by MistyBeethoven



Category: Farscape
Genre: Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alien/Human Relationships, Aliens, Big Blue Alien, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Interspecies Awkwardness, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Love, Love Confessions, Other, Outer Space, POV First Person, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Stars, starships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-04 12:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: Pilot contemplates his feelings for John Crichton.





	I Came Here to See the Stars but All I Can See is You

**Author's Note:**

> What has always confused me is the general lack of discussion or acknowledgement that Pilot obviously loves the human being. It is shown throughout the series. It was also heavily implied that Pilot was gay in a story penned by creator Rockne S. O'Bannon.
> 
> I love Pilot/Crichton. They are one of my favorite couples. I do believe that they represent a perfect example of what a Sci-Fi relationship can be at its highest pinnacle: the focus on love between two species that look vastly different but feel the same emotions inside.
> 
> Admittedly, I have not seen Farscape in ages. Please forgive me any errors made.

I guess some truths remain the same where ever you may happen to be. When I left my planet and agreed to a suspicious, yet too tempting, offer I was not aware of this fact. I did not know of many other species except for the Sebaceans. All I was aware of mainly was my own and the very painful fact that I did not fit in. It was never really spoken yet it remained true. My people could sense my difference and they never ceased to remind me of it by the mere exclusion of me from certain events or even discussions.

My difference was this: I was not only not attracted to the opposite sex of my species...I was not attracted to my species at all. 

Romantic feelings, let alone sexual ones, I could not understand. While my elders told me that I could not become a pilot to a starship until I was older, had bred and raised a family of my own, their words held no meaning for me. To raise a family one needs to want one in the first place. I had no desire to breed so rushing straight ahead to the stars seemed the most sensible thing to do.

And when I saw the handsome Peacekeeper known as Velorek my heart skipped a beat and it seemed even more right.

Finally love made a little more sense to me even if whom, and more importantly what, I had fallen in love with made no sense at all.

After I was forcibly bonded to Moya, a painful and unnatural occurrence, I never saw Velorek again and I learned to forget his dark eyes and kind smile. I had the stars and the universe; it had once been all that I had ever wanted and desired.

I had long since abandoned my name, I'm afraid. There was no further use for it. Pilot would suffice. That is what everybody called me and if it was more of a profession than a name the pain and indignity of that could only be accepted.

It was a ship full of prisoners: Zotoh Zaan, Ka D'Argo and Dominar Rygel XVI. They were escaping and as the Pilot on the ship I came along for the ride, as a soon to be made very special friend would aptly say. I hated Peacekeepers. I hated the prisoners. All that I really longed to do was to see the stars and belong to them. That sense of belonging...particularly belonging to something even if it was the black dark space appealed to me. I had never belonged anywhere or to anyone.

Then an unexpected and strange event occurred: we small band of refugees were joined by a Peacekeeper and something that called himself a human being. The former, a female called Aeryn Sun, was familiar and understandable; the latter, a male called John Crichton, was perplexing and odd.

I did not understand him. He came from a galaxy I had never heard of and was skeptical even existed.

In the beginning, I did not know what to make of this man and suffered him merely to be polite.

That changed after Zhaan, D'Argo and Rygel banded together in order to severe one of my arms in a selfish attempt to gain their freedom and return each to their home.

John Crichton showed me kindness. I believe it was the first genuine tenderness and compassion that I had ever been shown without some ulterior motive.

I think...I think that I started to fall in love with him then.

Knowing that there was an attraction budding between him and Officer Sun did little to stop it. I consoled myself in the fact that Aeryn was a dear friend and that she still held residual traces of my DNA. I could live vicariously through her relationship with John.

I secretly lived for those moments when Crichton would find his way into my den, though. Any glimpse of him remained precious to me. He was not the smartest alien that I had ever met but my own vast intelligence compensated for that fact, as did his large heart and his constant perseverance. Plus he filled his leather pants quite well and looked very good from any angle.

Yes. I am embarrassed to admit that my feelings for the Commander have not remained as pure as I would have liked. I am fully aware of the fact that what I have will not fit what he has nor what he has will ever be able to fill what I have. It does not matter. I still think about him in that way and often do become aroused. It complicates things a bit and I have had to deal with the occasional flash of guilt when I have used a DRD to spy on the human in the shower or when he makes love with Officer Sun. I like to picture that it is me that he is holding. When he touches her I can almost feel it too. It is the closest I can ever get to being intimate with the person that I have come to love and cherish so dearly.

While I love Officer Sun, she is my dearest friend besides Commander Crichton, I must confess to a certain envy every once in a while. It cannot be avoided, I suppose but still it troubles me. I was secretly very happy in the knowledge that when John was duplicated and one ended up on Talyn with Aeryn, and the other one on Moya, with myself, that mine survived. I had managed to keep my Crichton safe, at least. It was an unfair thought but one that pleased me none the less.

The feelings that I have for John Crichton have also become a source of contention between myself and Moya. Not that my relationship to the starship, which I am now bonded to naturally and less painfully, is anywhere near a marriage or anything of the sort. Her jealousy is simply because she knows that I will always choose the human being over her and she resents this fact. I am her pilot she continually reminds me, a great honor: my responsibility should be to her alone. But while my mind agrees with her, and my sense of duty, my heart will not follow them and I find myself wondering if the elders were right and that my sexual inexperience has caused me problems along the way.

When I look at the Commander and his sweet face I am likely, however, just to say frell it and pine and love away regardless of them all. Such is the workings of the heart: you cannot tell it what to do or whom to love.

Does Crichton know about my love for him? I think so. I shyly confessed to him long ago with four simple words, "As well as mine," and he then pressed his forehead to my shell in some signal of his care for me and recognition of my feelings. He knows. And while I believe that he exploits it at times for me to give in to his requests, he does not pity me nor has he ever condescended to me.

The kindness that made me fall in love with him has stayed within him so my heart still remains with him as well.

Looking back on his arrival all those cycles ago, I believe that it was John Crichton's presence that unified us all and made us look past our differences to become the family that we are now. Some of us have come and gone but the spirit of us lingers strongly.

Today is the anniversary of his coming here. Aeryn has left Moya, with her and John's children, to go to a planet for some supplies. That has left John and I alone together. I watch him on the view portal and I am able to steal small glimpses of him and etch them into my memory and heart. He will die before me; humans do not live as long so I have to make each moment count.

He is looking outside at space through the screen which has offered him varied sights of galaxies, quasers, stars and milky ways throughout all of his cycles here.

It was what we both had left our worlds to see.

"Do you still miss your planet?" I ask him.

"Earth," John says wistfully. "Home of Kentucky Fried Chicken and the Superbowl."

"A bowl you say, Commander?"

"Yeah," John Crichton smiles. "But not to eat out of. It's an award. Football again."

"Oh," I say and raise my brow. 

He stares at the screen as I stare at him until he finally breaks the silence.

"No. I don't miss it. This is my home. The stars really are beautiful, aren't they, Pilot?"

When he says that word it always feels like a name and I smile shyly behind his back, finding the strength to say something that I have always wanted to but never had the courage before. 

"I don't know. I came here to see the stars but all I can see is you."

A brief hesitation and I feel like I have said the wrong thing until he turns to me and smiles.

"They can't compare to you either. Happy Anniversary Pilot."

"Happy Anniversary John," I return, as my heart glows brighter than any star.


End file.
